Watch for morning

clowns

2008-08-20T20:07:00.000-05:00

you know clowns aren't people too.

america

2008-04-20T02:13:00.002-05:00

Where are you, beautiful.
Who is hiding you where did you go.
The space between the buildings.
Between the lines of the highway.
There is a woman, not a woman you can buy a drink but a woman you know is out there.
She's between the blades of grass and I want to catch a whiff of her perfume.
The scent blows down off the mountains that don't have highways running through them.

I want to leave tommorow to go and find her. to go find America and be free.
Let's leave tonight and find America.
It's America the free the brave who's seen it all or who's seen a lot.
There's people there in America that have thoughts and ideas that I don't agree with.
America has pain and hurt and prejudice but America has a pulse and a heart I am looking for.
She has plains so wide to embrace every kind of people you can think of, cause she's America, the land, the hope, the dream.

Brokeback office

2008-01-11T03:30:00.000-05:00

Work, I wish I could quit you.

2008-01-10T04:59:00.000-05:00

The tailor was very entertaining, i would see that again... The movie I will probably skip however.

margins

2007-11-09T03:53:00.000-05:00

hey look I figured out how to get my margins correct, now people can see the stupidity contained in the picture below without having to drag it into their browser window.

cupcake downfall

2007-10-10T01:28:00.001-05:00

Last night I was assaulted by my own offspring. Cupcakes, so I called in sick today. I made them myself and what can I say they teamed up on me. I regretted it in the morning.

UPS shmeg up

2007-09-21T03:45:00.000-05:00

can anyone tell me what's wrong with this picture? This is a real screen cap from ups. In a completely unrelated story I am getting a new computer. woot! Btw in a completely related story check out my new digs, on park ave, on my myspace.

quotable

2007-08-03T12:19:00.000-05:00

That's really great but I think everyone would feel a whole lot better if we add pants to the equation just now.

poetry corner

2007-07-28T14:23:00.000-05:00

when people are in relationships sometimes they want to say beautiful things to each other so they have love poetry to fill in the gaps when someone else said it better than they ever could. What about when a relationship is over. This is where breakup poetry fills in the gaps. Breakups are so mysterious and confused it's poetry that can really fill in the gaps here when people are dancing around the truth or when they feel so repressed that they want to explode on the other person in a torrent of frustration. In that spirit I wanted to try to write a few haiku's to start things off.

you've been nice knowing
I think we are growing apart
it's not you it's me

I like that last line because it's a cliche in 5 syllables.

I've been really board
I kind of dig your sister
do you hate me now

You haven't been around
I've been seeing someone new
and is that so wrong

you just walked by me
when I saw you on the street
we have grown apart

you are so emo
I am a little punk rock
we were wrong together

move your lazy ass
why don't you get a real job
I am leaving you

I liked you better
when you were in high school plays
not now bumming rent

can you count to three
these were the few moments when
we were not fighting

I think you're hot
but you played with the matches
and now I'm homeless

you made me sell out
my hair will grow back but the
tattoos are for keeps

there is much to say
i don't think you will understand
just get sober soon

i just want back in your head

2007-07-27T03:56:00.000-05:00

living in the world of extacy

2007-06-20T01:25:00.000-05:00

Well this Saturday I went to see rusted root with thousands of my fellow Rochestarians. We danced in the streets with hippies. There was even a middle aged woman there who told us that she was merely there for the ecstasy but felt that the band was most prodigious. I felt that it would be ironic to do a blog about this and give it a title from a rusted root song. There really is nothing else interesting about this story. Oh well.
Enjoy a very silly physics website I just found.

http://www.britneyspears.ac/lasers.htm

not anymore

2007-06-05T02:23:00.000-05:00

I remember I talked to you before, but now I can't. I could before but now I can't. Does that make any sense. I asked you what you wanted to do with life and you weren't sure. But now we know because It's over and you won't get to make those decisions or live in those places you might have like to or met any other people. It's all so final so brief then it's over. Because, there was that other guy I guess he was just having a little fun who are we to judge him and his life and his choices. I don't think you ever did those things that he does but all the same you can't judge this guy he's just having fun and living his life behind the wheel of an automobile in the wrong place at the wrong time just like you were that night just going to see your family. I wonder how well he will remember the time he met you, did he stop and chat, did he think it through and decide it was worth it. No, I guess he probably didn't.
It's in these moments we see heaven. It's not so much in the day to day working your job and living alone, it's in these moments where the crazy things happen and the almighty looks down and takes the nice girl and leaves the careless drunk behind. I don't get it but for some reason I feel connected to heaven and to life and living.

What I'm talking about

Can't sleep clowns will eat me

2007-05-05T00:48:00.000-05:00

can't sleep clowns will eat me !can't sleep clowns will eat me!
can't sleep clowns will eat me!
can't sleep clowns will eat me!
can't sleep clowns will eat me! can't sleep clowns will eat me!
can't sleep clowns will eat me!
can't sleep clowns will eat me!
can't sleep clowns will eat me! can't sleep clowns will eat me!
can't sleep clowns will eat me!

not a famous poem

2007-05-01T01:53:00.001-05:00

Sadie thought she was the girl
She loved a mafia man
what does it matter she said if he kills all day when he loves at night
the night was hot, the windows were open, the neighbors complained
night after night it was the same
One day Sadie's man came home for lunch to hear her scream next door.
that night Sadie was no more and when her man went next door there was just a parrot and her voice on the same perch.
-not a famous poem

2007-04-15T01:41:00.000-05:00

Gas prices

2007-04-15T01:26:00.001-05:00

Hey Gas prices suck! It's 20cts cheaper in the midwest.

Home Again

2007-04-15T00:51:00.000-05:00

Well if you haven't figured out yet I drove home from Iowa stopping to sleep in Detroit. Looking back I think it might have been cool to hang out in Granelle for a couple days, spending time in that coffee shop maybe befriend some of those liberal arts students. Hotel rooms are expensive however so perhaps not. For my next adventure I would like to get a room in some strange city, a foreign city if I'm really adventurous, and just read and write. I wonder if Verizon would ever let me take a month off to live in Paris. That would be neat.

The thing is all lot of people can go to other cities and meet people easily but as for me I tend to give off this vibe that says "I want you" or "I hate you." In truth it's more like "You bother me" or "You are kind of cool let's be friends" and in rare occasion "The knowledge that you exist is a burden to my soul." The Holy Spirit is helping with that last one. So I am going to try to be nicer to people anyhow but as for the flip side, I would never date someone unless I really knew them well. I don't know.

So I also want to send a shout out for PJ who is my first commenter to the blog. I notice most people here don't get comments as much as was on xanga. Xanga was going pretty good for quite a while. I've got a couple years worth of posts still up there but nobody I was buddied with posts anymore. Theoretically I can do more here but I forget how that HTML stuff works so I can't fix my margins.

As for future posts I'll try and keep things interesting in a non emo fashion. I am sure there will be plenty of girls who think that I want them so I can blog about that in subtle artistic forms that will make everyone involved feel awkward. Or maybe it would be better not to take things in that direction. Spiritual preachy blogs tend to do well but the ones that really get the comments are the ones that say stupid stuff like "boot cut jeanz are the ROXOR" or "vote for Pedro." Just watch I'll post something like that and people will react and by now everyone has stopped reading. I think a lot of people skip the ends of long blogs. Although I seriously wonder if people even read the beginning. We shall see.

Templates urk me

2007-04-12T14:12:00.000-05:00

OK these pictures are being displayed poorly. If anyone is more tech savvy than me how do I fix this. If anyone is less tech savvy than me right click the picture and click on display picture.

Pictures finally

2007-04-12T13:34:00.000-05:00

Above are some pictures of crossing the Mississippi via the route 66 bridge.
Below are some pictures of my sister's place in Detroit, MI (Rochester hills actually)

tripping or illing

2007-04-12T13:05:00.000-05:00

Man I've been on the road for a while now and I've made it to Grinnell, IO. It's a small college town with a coffee shop called the saint's rest in which I happen to be sitting. Last night I stayed in a town by the Mississippi river so that I could go take a walk by it's banks in the morning. It's big and cold I imagined Jim and Huck riding by on a raft. I also went on the rout 66 bridge and I thought of Hemingway and Kerouac. It is kind of neat to see these things but really most of the neatness is in my head. Sure it's a lot of dirty water, I've seen that before but what the Mississippi means culturally can't really be understood by looking at it. Should I press on in the hope of seeing mountains or should I stop and go home.
As I travel around I see people everywhere living in cities and towns I've never heard of or cared about living their lives. Does it really matter where a person puts down their roots just so long as they do put down roots. They do look just as happy as any other people anywhere else. Is that what I need to see out here.
My vague plan is to go to California I guess because that's really as far as a person can go without having to change directions. Being here in this shop doesn't feel much different than Webster or Java's downtown. Is it worth a couple of days and a couple hundred dollars to see mountains. I'll let you know in my next post.
Also closing remark I've gotten some hits on my hit counter and that's pretty sweet but please won't someone leave a comment. It would mean the world to me :)

pictures

2007-04-11T19:00:00.000-05:00

BTW stay tuned peeps pics are coming soon.

LaSalle, IL

2007-04-11T18:31:00.000-05:00

Well I'm in LaSalle, IL with a vague plan of making my way down highway 80. I got a flat in Jouliet outside Chicago but I am undeterred. The land is starting to flatten out now as I make my way accross the plains I hope to cross the Mississippi tonight but I may be detoured. The philosophy of this trip is not about speed. Speed is my own personal philosophy so now I'm trying to act contrary to my nature to challenge that in me.
The word came up today on the radio (NPR) Mensch. It's a Yiddish word meaning an exceptional person of character. Will I ever be called this or deserve this title. Sure it's easy to pretend to be excellent for and hour or so every week sometimes longer but to be really deserving of such a title. What do you think.

I've also been thinking a lot about faith. Weeks ago I would have told you I'm all out of faith. Nearly ready to stop believing. Not really that close though. I think the bottom of my faith barrel is a lot deeper than I realize. Someone said to me that the course of my life is not about a journey to a destination but the development of character. My life looks like aimless wandering but that's what it's taken to bring me to there point of being who I am and who I will be. So then I ask myself a I better now than I was and the answer is in some ways no. But, I have to admit there is more that I don't see. How can a car in the garage say it's worse off when it is in pieces. Trust in God that what is happening will bring you to the greater good then you will be a person of faith.

And then what happened

2007-04-09T23:22:00.000-05:00

So I finally knuckled down and got a job. What's next you are probably asking. Well my Shema friends all are going to suggest moving out and I'll jive with that. In about 6 months I will probably be moving out into my own apartment. I don't know if I will share or if I will live alone yet, this depends on a number of factors. It's all a part of growing up I guess, It's not an easy road but one I know I must go down. That's why I have to make as much of these road trips as I possibly can. Everyone I know is settling down, getting married but I don't know that I want to take that rout, at least not yet. I see so many married people who mutually defer their own dreams for the sake of their spouses and I just am not interested in that right now. I would feel horrible if I made someone turn down their dream. It's been a long time since I have gone after a girl or asked out a girl (on purpose anyway.) I feel ready to move out but relationship wise not so much. Right now I'm all about the friendships.

Yeah I know this entry is not my best most organized writing but I just want to throw it out there at the web and see what sticks.

On the Road by Jack Kerouac

2007-04-09T22:47:00.000-05:00

A while ago I told you all about the 2 vexing problems in my life... consider them solved. Yeah it's pretty sweet I have my degree and a sweet job at Verizon. The catch is that the Verizon job starts at the end of the month. So I quit my job at office depot because it is painful to me and I have my tax money so what do I do with my month off? Road trip of course. Where? who cares so long as it is some place I've never been and might not get to go. Right now I am in Michigan outside Detroit and I will try to give updates as I travel when I stop for the night. I will be here for a few days and then on Wednesday I will move on. I am not sure if I want to go see the Aurora by driving north or if I want to see the Pacific as well as the rocky mountains. Let me know what you guys think. Or if you want to let me stay with you.

Oh btw I think I am talking to myself because I put a hit counter up and I'm pretty sure those 4 hits are all from me.

Denouement

2007-03-18T00:10:00.000-05:00

de·noue·ment [dey-noo-mahn] Pronunciation Key - Show IPA Pronunciation –noun

1.	the final resolution of the intricacies of a plot, as of a drama or novel.

2.	the place in the plot at which this occurs.

3.	the outcome or resolution of a doubtful series of occurrences.

Yeah this is what I need in my life and I am so incredibly close. There have been two big things that I have been trying to accomplish since graduating college. The first is to receive my diploma by finishing my last class. The second is to find a job which can pay enough for me to move out of my parents house.
Well on Tuesday I had my third interview with Verizon wireless customer service which went swimmingly. They said I would receive official word in 7 to 10 business days. It seems like a sure thing.
Then on Wednesday I took the CLEP test in American Literature. I passed by a decent margin and when I phoned into Roberts they tried to tell me I had exceeded my maximum transfer credits. That is bogus however because they were the ones who told me to take that test in the first place. I put it off for a while so recently they sent me a letter saying I had to take the test before the end of the summer.
So that's why I'm looking for denouement, a final resolution of the intricacies of a plot. I want to know I have the job and the diploma and then I will have achieved what I have been trying to accomplish for these past three years.

what next

2007-02-13T03:54:00.000-05:00

So if anyone is reading this and wonders where I was going with that weird story I'm really not sure and frankly I was getting kind of board with it. I feel like the Sandra character was a slam against women when really she was only intended to be a slam against a certain kind of women. So at any rate the part I was stuck on is how I get the main character (myself) to be running from the Sandra's mafia father. I was either going to have myself witness a mafia execution or I could offend Sandra by refusing her advances. The last one didn't make much sense as Sandra doesn't seem the type to feel gratitude or the type of person who would be attracted to me. Although her father did pay off my debts. I did that just so I would not be burdened while running for my life. After that happened at the restaurant I was going to have them send a bomb to radio shack while I was working and blow up the store. I of course would hear the ticking and get in the fed ex truck and make a daring escape from the hit men who were there to finish the job. Honestly who has the patience for such things, perhaps I'll continue the story but don't hold your breath I'll follow up soon with something else.

paradox

2007-02-02T00:33:00.000-05:00

Imagine spending a lifetime plotting revenge on someone only to find out he is your future self and that when he stole your girl it was just to fulfill a lifetime of longing.

PS. Sorry I haven't updated in a while, I'll gladly update the story and keep going just so long as someone somewhere leave a comment on one of the posts.

2007-01-06T18:33:00.000-05:00

OK time to continue my story and you will have to pardon me if I'm fuzzy on the details. It was a strange night, and before I'll elaborate I just want to say I'm not totally horrible at talking to women, just sometimes horrible. I got a call from some secretary confirming dinner for that evening and a limo picked me up at around seven o'clock. I was wearing cargoes and a sweater which made the driver frown at me. He then handed me a hanger bag and told me to change in the back. Inside the bag was a very very expensive tux which I put on. I'm not a total looser somewhere along the way I learned to tie a tie. So when I arrived Sandra was there at the table. The place was nice it looked like some 50's nightclub very classy with marble, black tie, the whole nine yards. Not many people realize this and many have said otherwise but I do have a good sense of humor. So I talked to Sandra for a while till the food arrived, I'll spare you all the details but I did confirm that she was responsible for my debts being canceled, apparently when she told her her father about saving her life he called up the banks that he already owned and told them to cancel my loans. I have to say I was grateful but she was just so matter of fact about it. Clearly money was nothing to her family. The food was incredible and trust me you don't want to know how much it cost. So then her father comes over and gives me a big hug. And thanks me for saving his daughter. He was a big guy smelling like a humidor, An English mafioso one dare not trifle with... (story has been discontinued due to lack of intrest.)

Paid off

2006-12-21T02:21:00.000-05:00

Well it's about time I got back to my story. That evening passed uneventful for me and I slept well to rise the following morning to open the store where I work (Radio Shack). It was a pretty slow day, about as slow as the day before that and the rest of the week come to think of it. I was so board I decided to check my bank accounts to see how in debt I still was. Something was off though when I went to check the balance on my student loan it came up zero and the same thing happened with my car loan, zero balance. Certainly this was a mistake, so I decided to call the bank in order to investigate. My stomach felt like someone filled it with helium thinking what I would do if it were true.

"Hi Sharon, this is Steve, one of your customers. I was just checking the balance on my loans..."

"Oh yes we received a rush order this morning for the full amount, You are all set. Is there anything else I can do for you."

"No," I said "I think I'm good."

"Have a nice day."

Most of you know what it feels like to owe money in large sums, and can imagine what it must feel like to have that weight lifted. I didn't know how this had happened but I had some idea that it might have something to do with Sandra. I would have to ask her when I see her tonight.

You on the other hand will have to wait till tomorrow to hear the details when things start to go downhill.

papa don't preach

2006-12-19T02:34:00.000-05:00

Tonight I will have a dream. There are two characters one sitting, one standing. The one sitting was stern faced but full of angst. The one standing was speaking to the other in a persuasive terms. "You need to wake up you see. Jesus is the answer, you need to know God, read the bible, pray more, God is love." He kept on going on like that to the poor fellow so that I had to say something. So I walked up and closed my eyes so as not to see their reaction as I spoke.

"See here you, let this poor fellow be. I can't stand to see you torture him like this. All of your answers are cliche and unhelpful. You are being so unhelpful about it don't you understand the truth of the gospel.... Well what do you have to say for yourself." I opened my eyes to see both the stander and sitter had my face.

"It's alright I know he's right, and what's more he is the only one who has a right to say those things." Said the sitter. "I just don't know how to do it."

"How indeed." Said the stander taken aback a bit as we all nodded.

So I'm not quite sure how this dream ends but I hope to find out.

Landfall

2006-12-17T23:02:00.000-05:00

As we approached shore we came into range of the cell phone towers and Sandra was able to call for a ride to come pick her up. Fortunately I keep all my stuff in dry bags so my cell phone was fine. As the boat hit the shore I felt a bit of relief and yet as Sandra got into her awaiting limousine I felt a twinge of regret because after all even though she was kind of annoying she was very beautiful. It was that twinge of regret that caused me to make a seemingly small decision that led to some large problems in the end. As Sandra's driver held the door she looked back at me and said.
"I want to thank you for saving me. Come to dinner with me tomorrow night. My treat It's the least I could do."
I wasn't psychic I didn't know the future, it was the polite thing to do. So I accepted. But you don't know what I'm talking about yet do you... well give it time my story will unfold soon enough.

filler

2006-12-16T19:16:00.000-05:00

Well today is the first day I'm resorting to filler. Isn't filler great, I know this filler is great enjoy this insite into my fealings about today.

Oh and by the way what day would be complete without animal abuse.

The ride back

2006-12-15T20:19:00.000-05:00

Rowing back was slow going with Sandra throwing off the center of gravity and after a day of activity I was getting quite tired. Sandra of course was in the mood to vent all of her problems, this is something she does normally but now she was about to go into overdrive.

"Oh, Stephen, I'm so terribly sorry to impose on you like this I am so embarrassed but you see it isn't really my fault. It was that intolerable trollop Rosario. I was having a perfectly lovely day floating about on my yacht drinking martinis while Rosario cleaned like she always did but today she decided to sit down and read a book but that isn't right, she was on the clock after all. So I told her to get back to work. Then for no reason she saw your little boat there and shoved me out over the rail and into the water. Imagine how I felt seeing her riding off into the distance as I sat alone in the middle of the lake. I was terrified. I never thought Rosario had it in her."

"Have you ever had a job?" I asked.

"A job? well no why would I. People only get jobs if they need money."

"Just curious is all, where do you think Rosario would have gone?"

"No doubt she took the boat back and drove home. She is just obsessed with spending time with that son of hers. She doesn't know how lucky she is to have a job, a lot of single mothers in her position are on welfare just a drain on the system. She is so ungrateful."

"Ungrateful... that's exactly what I was thinking."

"See now you are a good listener, Stephen, I'm so glad we met, I mean I guess I could have done without being half drown and sunburned but of all the people I could have met I'm glad it was you. When we get back my father will want to thank you properly."

"What does your father do?"

"I'm not sure... he's rich."

"That's pretty good, I imagine that pays well."

Meeting Sandra's father was didn't sound like such a bad idea at the time. A rich man wanting to thank me didn't sound like such a bad thing... but that's where all the fun started.

Sandra

2006-12-14T00:24:00.001-05:00

As soon as she saw me she started screaming "Ah, fishy man, fishy man!" and hitting at the water in my direction with her very expensive looking bag. This action of course led her to topple my kayak into the lake. Wearing a dress like she was I knew it must be difficult to swim in that dress of hers so I swam up behind her and grabbed her around her stomach to keep her afloat. Fortunately at this angle she realised it was useless to swing at me. She simply sobbed in an upper crust English accent "please don't rape me, my family will pay you nothing if I am harmed." Somehow I managed to bring her over to the side of the boat to which she clung so I could pull away and remove my diving mask. If I had any hope of getting out of this mess I was going to have to try to communicate with this woman. Communicating with women hasn't always been my forte but I thought I would give it a try.

"I'm not going to hurt you I just want to get out of here. " This seemed to calm her down not to mention getting wet for as I later found out she was starting to get heat stroke.

"Sniff, I'm sorry just please take me back to shore I'm tired and wet and I want to go home."

"Yes, I think that would be the best thing for you now. My name is Steve what's yours."

"Sandra." she replied shakily.

"OK, Sandra, let's get you back." She nodded sadly shaking drops of water off the end of her nose. She was very beautiful I could not deny but it was the kind of beautiful that you know will be more trouble than it's worth in the end. It took what seemed like half an hour to get her and myself back into the boat and by the time we arrived back at shore afternoon had turned into evening as the sun started to set to our left.

I would like to tell you what happens next and why Sandra was stranded in the middle of the lake but I'm afraid that that story will have to wait until tomorrow. I hope you are enjoying this so far please leave me a comment to know what your impressions of the story are so far.

Exactly as Strange as Fiction

2006-12-13T23:14:00.000-05:00

Well I guess I had better explain what has happened to me recently. I've been on the run and I guess it is quite a story, the kind of stuff that doesn't happen to most people. When I was in Florida I went kayaking and I really took a shinning to it, so when I got back I went out and got one. I went out on that thing seams like every day until I got pretty buff. I was going up and down the bay until eventually I was going out onto the lake out of view of the land. One day late in the season I thought it would be fun to borrow my friend's scuba suit and go diving down near this wreck I found in the lake Ontario. I swam around there for a good hour or so till I got board and came up to my boat. When I reached the top what did I find in my boat except a very beautiful woman. She was in her mid twenties wearing a very fashionable evening gown with diamond jewelry. She looked very out of place there in my kayak which may be part of the reason she looked as though she had been crying for who knows how long.

What happens next? tune in tommorow!

2006-12-13T03:14:00.000-05:00

Here's a great video that made me laugh, avoid if you mind the F word.

Here goes nothing

2006-12-13T02:46:00.000-05:00

So it's been several months since I have last posted and while that is regrettable quite frankly I had nothing interesting to say for that time period. Other than that I got a new car and have made some new friends at access a coffee house gathering at a church in Chili. Other than that it's just been a huge Radio Shack montage. That may end soon however. So in an effort to make this a more interesting blog I am going to try to post some things that are interesting and or entertaining as well as adding true stories from my life that I have made up. Thanks for reading this.

Watch for morning

2006-07-29T23:58:00.000-05:00

I don't mean to be sacrilegious just introspective. I can generally hear from God in the moment to speak over other people or to get encouragement. But when it comes to those major decisions I always try to take a step back and say am I acting in faith or am I stepping out in crazy. I guess it takes the holy spirit to know the difference. Several years ago I concluded that the spirit was telling me that I had crossed the line because I wasn't paying attention when the wind changed direction. Today I look at my life and say, what have I achieved is my system flawed I am 25 and living with my parents (but only because it's cheaper.) That's a lie I can't afford it. Most of my friends are married and getting houses and I'm older than most of them. All that to say am I making the right decisions or am I not trying hard enough or asking the right questions.

2006-07-21T02:05:00.000-05:00

my new blog

2006-07-21T01:09:00.000-05:00

Yes I have a new blog, it's fantastic, it's amazing, it's crazy. But the question on everyone's mind (everyone in the room that is (just me)) will I use it. The answer to that remains to be seen but there is only one way to find out. For one thing all my friends are doing it, well no not all my friends but a large percentage are. This sort of thing can work both ways however. If something is popular I usually avoid it but blogging in and of itself is by definition original. Do you think that if J-Lo had a blog it would be origional? or Richard Gere? Both are none for their poor acting and unjustified popularity with the opposite gender. Where am I going with this I lost track.

The next dilemma I had was in naming my blog. My first idea was "where the wild things blog" but that seemed like too much of a nockoff of someone else's blog. I thought about hash browns or french toast but that was too high in carbs, not to mention french toast was taken. Then I thought of a line from this violent femmes song I had in my head "where she is now I can only guess" but that would come across like I am pining away for some girl when it really means I don't know and I don't care. Moreover my resentment of the female gender is fading these days and I don't want to have to change my blog title when I want to not come across as dismissing of love/romance when I am smitten by some girl. At least I admit that I won't feel like running from intimacy forever. Finally I settled on watchformorning which one may recognize better when followed by @gmail.com. It represents my longing for hope and destiny that I have always had for myself and others. This is a value that is very much a part of me and will remain so indefinatly barring a full meltdown of my soul and spirit which at this point looks about as unlikely as seeing me linedancing and smoking a cigarette while whoever is president sends their kids off to war.